Hate Something...

Following the events that happened last Friday, I have now developed an official dislike to all and any of Vic's colleagues (or ex-colleagues, thanks God!!) at H&L!

It is only because I love her and in consideration of that that I will go to her leaving due as requested. OK... maybe the fact that I need to make more of an effort to get out there has something to do with that as well... but Hey... that doesn't make me dislike them any less...

To tell the truth it would all probably have been OK if that £"£$%$£^$%^ of whoever answered Vic's phone didn't hung up on my face... and of course it would have helped A LOT if Vic hadn't arrived after 2AM as she did, both worrying me sick and letting all this hate brew in my head and deep within...

In fact I know I was out of bounds telling her to come home as I did and simply hanging up... but it was VERY childish of her to retaliate ins this manner. I don't know... I guess I had had an awful day and that was just the last droplet to spill the cup...

I've been feeling like a pressed down string lately... Have too much in my head... The fact that my way of doing things, or thinking for all that matters, does not agree in great part with my leader, which also happens to be my mother, and the fact that I feel that my wife has been distanced and not interested in what I am trying to achieve doesn't help much. Add to the equation the fact that I am at the moment with more responsibilities that I could probably cope with, making next to zero money and having to cope all day, night and weekends (ok... shared but hey) with my 3 year old son that I LOVE TO BITS, but that can be a bit (a lot) demanding and hyperactive for the whole if his awaken time and what you will get is someone that is a heart attack waiting to happen.

That's how I feel half the time anyways... I think that's why I feel that it doesn't really matter how much I do I can't achieve anything...

That is why half the time I am holding on to the last of my strength and sanity not to burst into tears and completely fall apart. And oh... am I good at that!!! about 20 years of experience! It almost killed a couple of times, but here I am... solid... no... not really... not so solid... I am falling apart a bit at the time...

They say you need 3 points of support to maintain psychologically sane... I am struggling to find them or to recognize them... my strong points sometimes feel like weak spots...

I love my god, I love my wife, I love my son, I love my family... I love myself... I think...

What's wrong with me?!?!?!?!

Do I make any sense at all????????????

Please tell me if I do... tell me if I don't...
Is it all in vain????

Please...